This is a written summary of my latest video.  Rather watch it?  You can do that here.

Whatever you’re feeling isn’t right or wrong.  It just is.

Seems like such a little statement, but WOW there is power in those little words.  These were the words I received and shared with my husband and two younger sons the night my oldest son Josh transitioned off this earthly plane.  It is so important to feel whatever emotions arise out of grief (which is just proof that you have loved deeply) or any other change in your life.  That includes both the easy, comfortable feelings and the difficult, uncomfortable feelings.  You may think those less than comfortable feelings are the tough ones to feel.  I mean, it sounds easy to be with emotions like love, peacefulness, and happiness, right?  But if you’ve experienced grief (and who hasn’t?), you know that those comfortable emotions can create guilt and shame.  You may think “I don’t deserve to be happy because I didn’t prevent this bad thing from happening.”  I’ve heard a lot of people that say we create our reality.  Guess what, we do not directly create our reality.  What we can control, though, is our response to the reality we face.  So, I support feeling it all.

If you don’t FEEL those emotions, you aren’t processing them.  You may have heard that the only way out is through.  I have found that statement to be absolute truth.  If you choose to suppress those feelings to avoid the pain or the guilt and shame that goes along with them, you’re damaging your own emotional health, and you’re likely hurting everyone around you.  Those feelings you ignore build up over time.  They create pressure that has to be released in some way.  And, they do influence your new reality.  When you tell yourself something long enough and often enough, you begin to believe it, and you begin to forget other beliefs that are more aligned with who you really are.

 Instead, you can learn who you are now.  Yes, you’re different from the person you were before.  It starts with feeling whatever you’re feeling without judgment.  Just acknowledge the feelings are there.  Don’t deny or ignore them.  It is okay not to be okay, but it is also okay to be okay.  If you feel guilty for being happy or content, acknowledge that, too.  Many times, that is all it takes – acknowledgement that you are feeling okay, even for just a moment. 

Feelings are not facts, and they are not good or bad, right or wrong.  They just are.